You See What Man Whore Shows You

For someone who mainly uses Facebook to share my writing, I don't know the ins and outs of this social networking site. I barely know how to change my profile pic, much less change my status.

My relationship status doesn't show on my profile. I know there are several options to choose from though: single, in a relationship, it's complicated, etc. Then, you can choose if you want to choose who you're in a relationship with or not. BUT, little did I know that you can have different people see different relationship statuses of yours. Who knew?!?

Leave it to MW to educate me in the ways on how to be a social networking slut.

Say you are in a relationship with someone that you're only half feeling (that's the kind of relationships man whores get into) and that person wants you to solidify your feelings by updating your Facebook relationship status (as this is the true testament of a real relationship *dripping sarcasm, can ya tell?*),but you want others to believe you're still single, you just make your 'In a Relationship' status visible ONLY to the person you are semi-sorta-not really in a relationship with.

That way the person who you may or may not want to be in a relationship with will think that you ARE in relationship, because your Facebook says it, so it has to be true; meanwhile, the other person (people) you're talking to thinks you're single and fair game.

Wow.

If the games played nowadays are ones where you have to make sure your significant other sees what they want to PLUS make sure all their friends do too in case they check your page from THEIR page, PUH-LEASE...thank God that's for those young folks, because quite honestly it's a headache even thinking about that.

MW and I became friends a few years too late. Had I known all these tricks back then, maybe it would've saved some relationship craziness of my own. Then again, probably not because I'd still be under the impression that any guy of MINE would never do that, as I'm sure is the case with most women MW talks to.

Ladies, you KNOW when you're face to face with a man whore. Don't kid yourself. That unsettling feeling you get when he tells you something nice, that's not normal. When someone says something nice to you, you shouldn't be wondering who else he's saying that same thing to. And you definitely shouldn't be worried about something as trivial as FUCKING FACEBOOK!

When you find a MAN, not a man whore (God love him and his bad karma-ridden soul) you'll know the difference.

Until then, MW is still on the loose. You've been warned.

Even if You're Male, Still Can't Turn a Hoe Into a Housewife

MW takes notes from any source he can on ways in which he can woo women. The tricks of the trade. The sweet little things that we women adore, he is making mental notes. They don't just readily come to him. Recently, he showed me a short, but sweet text he had sent a gal that took him thirty minutes to come up with.

Thirty minutes?!

The thing with MW is that his game is to get action. Plain and simple. It's not to be a nice human being. It's not to be sincere. It's about his opportunities of getting into someone else's pants and he feels that his odds go up if he takes thirty minutes to send a text that it would take a thoughtful person thirty seconds to type.

Man whores are a tricky bunch. Because we want to believe that they are genuine. Can't fathom that they don't look any farther than the next time they'll be able to sleep with us. I asked MW why he makes such an effort. If his goal is for sex alone, then why bother with all the niceties it takes to get there?

He wants to send flowers. Bring breakfast in bed. He's trying to play a game he's not used to. He's not a boyfriend. Nor does he want to be, so what's with the act? Does he not realize you cannot turn a hoe into a housewife? Even if that hoe is a male.

Those Chafing Nights

Last week I found myself explaining to MW what chafing was, as he was digging around in his pants, I wondered if he had some irritation going on. He admitted, that yes, his drawers were causing some unnecessary rubbing action.

Since explaining how painful chafing could be to him, I thought MW would avoid chafing at all costs.

I was wrong.

After a week of 'horrible sex', he is desperately ready to take matters into his own hands, with or without lotion. I advised this would literally be rough and advised against it, to which he responded, "I'll use my spit or tears of unhappiness."

MW is a lot of things, being resourceful tops the list.

He asked, 'But, what do I do from here? How do I tell her she's not good in bed?'

The easy answer: you don't. You just discontinue sex with her. If that seems too abrupt an action, guidance is always an option. However, if you think the sex is horrible, but she thinks the sex is great, there is something amiss, no? If MW can't find the groove, then he is looking at many more chafe-filled nights.

You can get bad sex from several places. One night stands. Drunken mistakes. Anyone eager to please, which come summertime those aren't too hard to find.

So my question to MW is, if the communication is suffering plus the sex is less than remarkable, in what world does that make for a healthy and happy relationship? Seems a bit too hard if you ask me.

Spring Training

MW is always trying to accuse me of being a cock block. Impossible. One, there has to be someone that I'm blocking and not some hypothetical situation or person and two, just because you're not getting any doesn't mean I'm blocking.

Trust that MW does find his fair share of booty, with no help (or hindering) from me. And yet, in giving my honest opinion, I am looked to as an obstacle. I told MW that if anything, I'm helping him out. I'm conditioning him, so to speak, for future encounters. Yes, there are easy girls out there. However, those girls are one and done. Girls that turn into five-stage clingers.

Be careful what you wish for, MW.

Now a smart chick isn't going to fall under MW's spell quite so easily. In fact, she may have some tricks up her own sleeve that MW won't see coming. It's a common mistake made by fellas similar to MW. The fact that the player often times gets played. And for what? Sheer laziness! I want to make sure he's on his game. Able to handle the heat. Make him quicker than the average MW, so he can get the most out of his sexcapades. I'm only here to help.

He calls it cock blocking. I call it spring training.

He Misses You

Don't be fooled young ladies when MW says he misses you. He may miss you, but not MISS you. He may miss you because he's bored or because he wants to get laid or because he just wants to see you get all giddy crazy over the fact that he said he misses you.

MW says, "I can miss Jesus, doesn't mean I want to see him."

Typically, when you utter the words 'miss you' to someone, it's because you are sad that you are not with them. For MW, it means about as much as a hello, how ya doin'?

Does he miss you?

If he's not at the present time with you, trust me, he doesn't care.

Here we go...

My interest never wanes from what exactly goes on in the male mind. Whether I agree, disagree or am indifferent, I am always open to learn new things about their way of thinking.

HOWEVER, this sense of curiosity is detected by males far and wide, who choose me to share their dirty secrets with, in every grotesque, TMI, shocking detail.

Lucky me.

What better way to educate the rest of the female population, then to take the thoughts directly from the source and put them into print. So with permission and against my advisement, my friend, MW is going to let not only me, but all of you into his world of sex, drama, and the sheer shamelessness he embraces.

Are you ready?