It's All Going to Come Out Eventually...

What I love about Man Whore is his honesty. He sets me straight in the ways of all things well...whorish. Maybe not to the extreme of 24-hour sexcapades (he can hope)but ideas of dating and relationships that fall into a cateogory all their own. Creeper status is what I call it. They should make a new Facebook choice for that one.

I knew a guy that was a creeper. If we're being completely honest, I LIKED a guy who was a creeper. Yes, blinded by infatuation I thought, oh, this is the age of meeting people online (which is true) but not by picking them out by their profile pic and sending them messages like, "Hey ma, wassup" like you're interested in anything they have to say. They don't have anything to say. They're on Facebook. You don't KNOW them. You just want to make new friends? Really? How come you never DM guys a 'wassup?'

However, much to my surprise MW said he's never met anyone on FB through that method but said that you can learn things about people's statuses and bios to maybe find something in common (sounds less creepy) and then bring it up into conversation should you ever meet them in person. Those are the key words right there - "meet them in person". I'm all for the online dating, but I wish people would act like they know what they're in for.

Man Whore goes into his online dating site with two thoughts: smash and dash. But at least he's honest about it. I think I'd have more respect for a guy that was upfront. Don't say 'I like you' like that's the new pick-up line. Because you just saw a photo, so what EXACTLY is it that you think you like? And for those who do sincerely want to meet someone to DATE and GET TO KNOW, then be honest about that too. Listening helps back that sentiment up.

Earnestness isn't the endearing quality it once was. People don't know how to handle sincerity anymore and a genuine compliment, fuggedabouit. We girls are on the defensive thinking you're trying to run game and you guys usually are! And, it's OK. Quit acting like it's something that it's not. We're all big boys and girls here. Because the truth comes out eventually, why not have it be right away?

Entering the Dark Side...

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, Tales of a Man Whore has been on hiatus. Not due to any lack of activity from MW, but more due to the fact that there were other things that needed to be written, bigger things that needed to be accomplished. But now I have a task at hand.

Due to destiny or maybe sheer irony, I now turn to MW with my plan to (temporarily) enter the dark side. Over the months, MW has relayed the ways in which he keeps a girl on the hook; an unassuming, sometimes pathetic girl that adores him despite (maybe because of)his whorish ways. We all want what we cant have, right? He tells me he does want to be with her...just not right now. Then why, I ask him, does he continue to torture the poor girl by leading her to believe that his intentions are genuine? He wants her to be the bridge to the person he DOES want to be with. His answer: He doesn't want to be lonely. He. Doesn't. Want. To. Be. Lonely.

Get the fuck outta here.

So I told him as I often do that he is an asshole and maybe should try to find what he really DOES want and put this girl out of her misery. However, who knew that listening to this atrocity would come in handy as recently I found myself caught up in a rollercoaster of emotion with someone who ALSO does not want a relationship right now and when asked why he chooses to talk to other girls but still claims to want to be with me he too said: He doesn't want to be lonely.

No words can describe the proverbial lightbulb that went on in my dense, gullible head.

Was this a coincidence? I think not. I quickly passed this information onto MW and I imagined him shaking his head as he said to me, 'He must have a copy of the handbook.' This rollercoaster I've been on has been going on for longer than I'd like to admit, but with one haunting echo of a story that MW told his own clinger-on, I thought, that is not me.

There is no way in hell I'm going to let that be! And, yet I DID let it be me.

Gahhh...noooo...

Recovery.

Action must be taken. What to do? I can't ignore him. He'll notice and hound me, will try to instigate a fight, so that's out. I can't block all of his numbers or messages because by the power of every social media outlet and phone upgrade available, he would find a way. So with the inspiration of MW and the help of a friend, I devised the following:

1. Invite him over.
2. Have sex.
3. Thank him for the sex (assuming it will be good), say that I'm 'not ready for this friendship right now', guide him out. Close the door.
4. Delete. Him.

For-ev-er.

MW has assured me this plan will work. He says that it will kill rollercoaster's ego in the worst way. It will drive him crazy and soon he will find himself feeling the insecurity and frustration my pathetic ass has. I've tried the good girl way, as rollercoaster is convinced I am. He is right. I am a good girl. But I still make my own rules.

Not ready? Are you sure about that? Be careful what you wish for...

He's Back to Infect and Perfect

Have to admit that MW has had a slow summer. Maybe not slow, but a little of the same ol', same ol'. Not really any new girls or any plans. But as school goes back into session he has revised his game plan to 'infect and perfect his imperfections'. His words not mine.

He has decided in order for him to maximize his wins he needs to find side chicks who already have boyfriends. By doing this, he feels that both he and the girl will have something to lose should the girl start feeling guilty and want to tell his main girl of their extracurriculars.

Although in theory, I can see how this plan may work there are some problems he will be facing. One being that not all girls are cheaters. Two being that not all girls are going to cheat on their boyfriends with him. MW in true form was quick with his answer.

He tells me that this plan is a slow cooker. Meaning that even if the girl doesn't go straight for the hook up, he will slowly infiltrate himself in as a friend. Wait in the wings until side chick and boyfriend have a fight and then BAM! he's in. He's there to reassure her that she deserves better. And by better, he means himself.

I try not to cock block my MW friend, because he is young, dumb and full...of it. But, little does he know that this kind of behavior will catch up with him, which as a young lad he really doesn't care about because he is having fun now. So fun he shall have.

My only rule is for him to stay away from any girls that I know and we're good. He is the demise of the hope for good guys everywhere. Sincerity has left the building. And, ironically he said he would punch anyone out that would behave in this same way towards me. He said, I'm not dumb so it wouldn't happen. But, when you like someone and they say something nice to you, you're gonna wanna believe it. And, why wouldn't you? You don't want to believe EVERY SINGLE dude out there is running game.

But up to a certain point in life, looks like they are.

You See What Man Whore Shows You

For someone who mainly uses Facebook to share my writing, I don't know the ins and outs of this social networking site. I barely know how to change my profile pic, much less change my status.

My relationship status doesn't show on my profile. I know there are several options to choose from though: single, in a relationship, it's complicated, etc. Then, you can choose if you want to choose who you're in a relationship with or not. BUT, little did I know that you can have different people see different relationship statuses of yours. Who knew?!?

Leave it to MW to educate me in the ways on how to be a social networking slut.

Say you are in a relationship with someone that you're only half feeling (that's the kind of relationships man whores get into) and that person wants you to solidify your feelings by updating your Facebook relationship status (as this is the true testament of a real relationship *dripping sarcasm, can ya tell?*),but you want others to believe you're still single, you just make your 'In a Relationship' status visible ONLY to the person you are semi-sorta-not really in a relationship with.

That way the person who you may or may not want to be in a relationship with will think that you ARE in relationship, because your Facebook says it, so it has to be true; meanwhile, the other person (people) you're talking to thinks you're single and fair game.

Wow.

If the games played nowadays are ones where you have to make sure your significant other sees what they want to PLUS make sure all their friends do too in case they check your page from THEIR page, PUH-LEASE...thank God that's for those young folks, because quite honestly it's a headache even thinking about that.

MW and I became friends a few years too late. Had I known all these tricks back then, maybe it would've saved some relationship craziness of my own. Then again, probably not because I'd still be under the impression that any guy of MINE would never do that, as I'm sure is the case with most women MW talks to.

Ladies, you KNOW when you're face to face with a man whore. Don't kid yourself. That unsettling feeling you get when he tells you something nice, that's not normal. When someone says something nice to you, you shouldn't be wondering who else he's saying that same thing to. And you definitely shouldn't be worried about something as trivial as FUCKING FACEBOOK!

When you find a MAN, not a man whore (God love him and his bad karma-ridden soul) you'll know the difference.

Until then, MW is still on the loose. You've been warned.

Even if You're Male, Still Can't Turn a Hoe Into a Housewife

MW takes notes from any source he can on ways in which he can woo women. The tricks of the trade. The sweet little things that we women adore, he is making mental notes. They don't just readily come to him. Recently, he showed me a short, but sweet text he had sent a gal that took him thirty minutes to come up with.

Thirty minutes?!

The thing with MW is that his game is to get action. Plain and simple. It's not to be a nice human being. It's not to be sincere. It's about his opportunities of getting into someone else's pants and he feels that his odds go up if he takes thirty minutes to send a text that it would take a thoughtful person thirty seconds to type.

Man whores are a tricky bunch. Because we want to believe that they are genuine. Can't fathom that they don't look any farther than the next time they'll be able to sleep with us. I asked MW why he makes such an effort. If his goal is for sex alone, then why bother with all the niceties it takes to get there?

He wants to send flowers. Bring breakfast in bed. He's trying to play a game he's not used to. He's not a boyfriend. Nor does he want to be, so what's with the act? Does he not realize you cannot turn a hoe into a housewife? Even if that hoe is a male.

Those Chafing Nights

Last week I found myself explaining to MW what chafing was, as he was digging around in his pants, I wondered if he had some irritation going on. He admitted, that yes, his drawers were causing some unnecessary rubbing action.

Since explaining how painful chafing could be to him, I thought MW would avoid chafing at all costs.

I was wrong.

After a week of 'horrible sex', he is desperately ready to take matters into his own hands, with or without lotion. I advised this would literally be rough and advised against it, to which he responded, "I'll use my spit or tears of unhappiness."

MW is a lot of things, being resourceful tops the list.

He asked, 'But, what do I do from here? How do I tell her she's not good in bed?'

The easy answer: you don't. You just discontinue sex with her. If that seems too abrupt an action, guidance is always an option. However, if you think the sex is horrible, but she thinks the sex is great, there is something amiss, no? If MW can't find the groove, then he is looking at many more chafe-filled nights.

You can get bad sex from several places. One night stands. Drunken mistakes. Anyone eager to please, which come summertime those aren't too hard to find.

So my question to MW is, if the communication is suffering plus the sex is less than remarkable, in what world does that make for a healthy and happy relationship? Seems a bit too hard if you ask me.

Spring Training

MW is always trying to accuse me of being a cock block. Impossible. One, there has to be someone that I'm blocking and not some hypothetical situation or person and two, just because you're not getting any doesn't mean I'm blocking.

Trust that MW does find his fair share of booty, with no help (or hindering) from me. And yet, in giving my honest opinion, I am looked to as an obstacle. I told MW that if anything, I'm helping him out. I'm conditioning him, so to speak, for future encounters. Yes, there are easy girls out there. However, those girls are one and done. Girls that turn into five-stage clingers.

Be careful what you wish for, MW.

Now a smart chick isn't going to fall under MW's spell quite so easily. In fact, she may have some tricks up her own sleeve that MW won't see coming. It's a common mistake made by fellas similar to MW. The fact that the player often times gets played. And for what? Sheer laziness! I want to make sure he's on his game. Able to handle the heat. Make him quicker than the average MW, so he can get the most out of his sexcapades. I'm only here to help.

He calls it cock blocking. I call it spring training.